On a sunny yet strangely freezing cold evening on Primrose Hill the Dubstars fell victim to the Ticklers' policy of inconsistency. Sadly for the Dubstars the bad was last week and this week the Ticklers decided to put behind them the crushing defeat of the previous week.

Before I waffle on further, I would like to apologise for my prose, our regular correspondent is away reporting in more exotic climes, and well, you'll just have to put up with my rubbish punctuation and blatant attempts to use every big word I know. Anyway, back to the game.

Man Utd may have been breaking Chelsea hearts last night, but it was nothing on the devastation being inflicted by our newest team member, Freak. Just a few days ago Freak was described as beautiful by "Fun Time Frankie". Like many I dismissed this as a bizarre bat fetish, however, last night Freak was indeed beautiful. I am converted. Freak contributed over 20 runs, ably assisted by the entire team.

The Dubstars got off to a healthy 3 runs to immediately put the Ticklers under pressure. The Ticklers responded with 5 runs, including a "Fun Time Frankie" special. Sadly an already injured Dubstar exacerbated her injury by falling on the way to 1st. Cruelly Mitch the Pitch threw the ball to 1st whilst she was stranded on the floor.

The 2nd innings followed a similar fashion, going 6-4 to the Ticklers. Newcomers on the Ticklers team took to the game like softballers to beer. Rachel was particularly impressive at looking nervous with the bat, only to fool the Dubstars and whack it pretty far. An even more nervous Nina slogged the ball past several diving Dubstars and was practically able to walk to 1st base. Mitch the Pitch by this point seemingly had the wind in his sails as he delivered evil curving pitch after pitch.

Once the 3rd innings came round Ticklers went for the throat. It was like watching a pride of lions making the kill, only slightly less bloody. Ticklers scored 17 runs, with Kevin "Captain Morgan" and Captain America hitting impressive home runs. Julie, newly motivated by the sambucca used her new found form to get to 2nd base a couple of times. If this continues we may have to get AA involved as the sheer number of shots won is quite frankly scaring me!

Not sure what happened in the 4th to be honest. I think that dodgy umpire Mike "Should have gone to Specsavers" Brown called a few controversial decisions and shrugged his shoulders a lot. I also seem to have a vague recollection of the Dubstars very own "Matt the Mitt" make a stunning catch off a huge hit down left center. Definitely the play of the game for me. At some point Mitch the Pitch got a home run, coincidentally around the same time he was receiving abuse from his former Tiger team mates who happened to be strolling by. Keep it up Sheena and Hesh! Jason, our last minute transfer window loan signing put in a great performance with both bat and ball. At least 1 home run and probably more. I really should pay more attention.

At some other point in the game (you can see I switched off after 3 innings can't you) Leigh got to 2nd base to add to the shot count later in the pub. Sadly around this point the injured Dubstar, who's name I have embarrassingly forgotten, took a nasty tumble whilst fielding at 3rd. She left the field a hero in the eyes of both teams to a round of applause. Kindly Kevin and Fun Time Frankie stepped in to help out at 3rd base, playing both sides so to speak.

That’s about as much as I can remember from the game. The rest of the story belongs in the pub. I'm at a loss to describe the bizarre goings on in the pub, so I will simply state that the manager flipped out, turned on the charm and in nearly as many words told us softballers to feck off and don't come back. This of course was after we'd filled his till with lots of gold coins and contributed the majority of their profits that night.

Right, that’s all folks. Come back soon Jo and save people the trauma of having to read from this correspondent again.

PS - Mitch the Pitch hit a right field ball, which apparently he never managed for the Tigers. I'm also reliably informed it was intentional. We believe you Mitch!

Final Score: Ticklers 32 Dubstars 17
Primrose Hill pitch 5

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